S O N
La vie nouvelle reflects me, parts of me, plain violent intelligent male cinema. I let go, i look at the reflection, put myself into it and let it go. Intense, as i like it. Short deep breath, scene by scene, feeling it all, but not understanding any word, any story. The memory of joy as flickering strobe on fast forward, not being able to hold it, out of reach. Seconds of joy vs. the constant tone of obsession. Its over, french end-titles, S O N, short deep breath, i get up, my heart is pumping, taking the fire out in the open, in the silence and freedom of these days, senses on maximum. Every bit of music takes me with it. Standing on the roof in the storm and attracting the wind like a magnet from all sides. Reflection feedback loop. Shower, hot, cold. cold. Routine, this place, my known cave, blind automatic movements, keeping the intense, in focus. Plain raw me.
This strength. intense, drives me. If we love i bite and claw you to me, get you so close to feel it all. If you are sick, i will hold your head and let it go, giving you the breath back, the peace, calm, against the pain. It always helped my mother. Senses. Its not my myth or science, not my believe but my being.
Don’t ask me to relax. Don’t ask why i am always so serious, controlled, calm and watching. Don’t ask, you can not take the answer. You can not take me like this, you can not take my question about the ground you are standing on. How real are you? Tell me? How true can you be to yourself? How true can you be about your mistakes and fake useless values. Show me the strength of your religion, how many questions can it take? One?
What is the root of your culture. How much do you know about it? Who was the first to marry? Who made the music? Would you stand behind it? Would you defend it? Its not yours. Yours is the Television, your choice of products.
Can you take the contradictions of this world? Can you divine them. What is it? Too many roads? Cant you decide? I am not talking about overcrowded roads. You are stuck in fear of change. Get off the roads.
No, its not strength, don’t tell me i am violent. You just don’t want to feel me.
