Sex lie #1
Men aren’t looking for liberation, they’re looking to get laid.
Not many people of either sex are actually looking for liberation, at least not until they get to the end of a very weary road of dissatisfaction. That usually takes a decade or two.
Liberation, per se, is not the sort of thing people count as tops on their to-do list, right up there with finding a certain kind of job or partner or new home. Maybe that indicates our lack of concern for our personal growth, but it’s certainly not limited to men.
Men are expected to be horny; they are acknowledged as “natural” for wanting to have sex, but that desire is tainted with weakness, as if their fantasies are an Achilles’ heel that will betray them when they need their strength the most. The “little head” of the penis will lead the “big head” above the shoulders, and won’t we all laugh when we see the results! We grant men sexual feeling as if it were unavoidable, but we make fun of them for what we believe will be their inevitable undoing.
I say, let’s give this wish to get laid a decent shake. What is this desire, after all? The wish to feel sexual ecstasy with another person, to feel yourself completely inside another person’s body, to feel your own body open and single-minded and wanting? That’s a pretty intense experience to yearn for. It deserves respect.
But it’s not always like that, you might be thinking. Some people are totally distant when they’re having sex; it’s just an ego trip, a notch on their belt. And that’s true—there are some cold SOBs out there, whipping it out and walking away. What’s so poignant about their condition is that even their stunted efforts are a search for a connection—for that fleeting moment when the ego disappears and they feel something bigger and more complete than either of their “heads.”
If men can’t express that longing to their lovers, openly and without trepidation, it’s not because their sexual desire is in the way; it’s that little rat cage in their mind that shames them and shuts them up. Yet every time they get laid, there’s that opening again, the chance to be intimate.
A man who wants to get laid is a man who wants to stay in the human race. Let’s treat that as a positive sign and look more carefully at the nature of his sexual connections.
Often the first erotic bridge that men and women cross is the discovery that someone else wants them—and that always seems like a miracle when they’re convinced that they will be forever alone and unloved in the world.
Then when you do get laid, and then it happens again and again and again, the confidence you acquire leads you to some new questions about the value of sex, about a lover’s companionship in your life, about your own sense of adventure and mystery in your erotic body.
At that point, we’re experiencing sexual liberation, whether it’s given that name or not. Some men will start to question all the things a male is “supposed” to do or feel in the threering circus of sexual relationships—and no doubt they will find much of it unnecessary and regressive. They don’t want to sacrifice their emotions and expressiveness on the altar of compulsory masculinity. These men are on the first platform of sexual revolution: they’re not buying the late model of The Omnipotent Man, all polished and ready to go. Refusing to buy into all the blue-label baloney is a sexual revolution right there. I’m happy to meet such a man; he has hope that there’s something better out there—and he’s right.
— Susie Bright, Full Exposure - Opening Up to Sexual Creativity and Erotic Expression , Page 75
